A Summer and a Future

     School for me starts tomorrow. As the hours continue to tick away, I can only think how much I've changed in the 96 day summer break. In a few short months, I experienced happiness, exhaustion, joy, and the relish of strong, new relationships.  I was a camp counselor, and it completely changed my life. I became a leader to so many kids, a friend to many, and even a girl who became the interest of a boy. Different paths led me to pursue different things: some for the better, and some that became difficult to cope with.  I definitely became a different girl from the one that said goodbye to her freshman year at Baylor. 
     As I trusted those around me this summer, I began to trust the fact that I could be vulnerable without being judged.  This softened my heart and gave me the opportunity to realize that there was good in the world.  Camp became my oasis, my protector.  At camp, what could go wrong?  Relationships could evolve to be family.  Other relationships could thrive romantically. The world and all its problems could not touch the perfect bubble that contained these amazing people.  But then camp ended, and the world became real again.  As I left those gates that claimed Camp Balcones Springs, an immediate sadness filled me, but along with that, joy was present.  Above all, I was so thankful that God brought me to such a place that I was saddened to leave; that is incredible.  
     Not everything thrived as it did at camp in the outside world.  Some relationships became less prominent, while others blossomed into something beautiful. I lost a wonderful guy because I was too caught up in my own issues to put extra effort in the relationship to save it.  I regret it to this day, but I know that there is a purpose to every situation, whether we agree with it or not.  We live by God's timing, and it is our choice whether or not to trust in it.  God will provide.

To listen and trust in God took patience, tears and determination.

     The moment I returned to Waco, I was unsure how the year would unfold.  I returned to the same dorm, now in an apartment, but so much had changed. More than half of my friends moved on, and changes had been made to the building.  I changed personally.  My life plan had changed for sure.  I was no longer pre med, but a business major living amongst pre health students. Some moments got me feeling down about myself and life choices whenever medical school would come up; there was a constant longing and doubt in me concerning if I made the right decision. The semester prior, I'd been praying a lot about my future, and it became prominent that medical school was not in my future.  This was hard to cope with, for my whole life up until college revolved around science and this fantasy of myself in a white lab coat. To listen and trust in God took patience, tears and determination.  My friends supported me, my family questioned me.  My future was in shambles, but God was present through every tribulation. 
     As I prepare myself for Sophomore year, all I can do is thank God for all that He has given me thus far, and pray. A couple friends and I got plugged in to volunteering with Vertical, a college ministry on campus, which has brought strong, faithful relationships that I am beyond excited to see grow. I know that this is His work; He heard my plea for help in strengthening my faith, and this is an answer to many. God is good, and He listens.  I am far from perfect, but God is, and I know that He is with me wherever I go.  He is my protector, and His bountiful love is amazing. 
     For those who are starting school, or a new direction in life, I want you to remember this: first, God will not give you anything you cannot handle. But second, He truly loves you.  What makes His love so beautiful, is that it's not a human love that we can understand.  His love is so pure: you can't do anything in your lifetime that will make Him stop loving you.  He is the ultimate savior, the ultimate sacrifice, and will be with you every step of the way no matter how twisted or dark it gets.  God is the light in all this darkness. Trust in Him, and you will see it.